Don’t be too open at first. Easing
into a relationship is about ensuring that there is plenty of space for the two of you to get to know one another and trust that you’re right for one another. If you try too soon to “make” something more out of your relationship than it already is, premature pushiness can scare him away and spoil what is ‘there’ to be a good thing. Instead, be patient and realize that it takes time to nurture a
solid and enduring relationship. If you want to make it last, avoid the
Don’t push him to call you his
girlfriend after a couple of dates;
this risks causing him to feel that
the decision wasn’t his own. Be
patient and let him make up his
own mind as to when the word
slips out. If you’re compatible, it’ll
happen soon enough. Don’t start talking about marriage and children before you’ve even met his friends or parents. Raising
such issues prematurely can
create tension from the outset and
may stall or even bring to an end
an otherwise productive and
caring relationship. While they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, this doesn’t mean cooking him a three- course meal on the first date. You don’t need to prove anything like this; you simply need to be present and engaged in listening, being
attentive and sharing your interests.
While being honest to your guy is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally
important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you’re feeling
vulnerable or upset, you can sort
through your feelings and verbalize them to him in a non-accusing way. And the most important thing here is that you will be open about your feelings as much as possible. For example, if he does or says something that bothers you, be open about how it impacts you, without being accusing or asking him to change.
If you establish solid lines of
communication from the outset,
you’ll know sooner rather than
later whether this relationship will
endure or fizzle out. Speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may
conflict with his. You don’t and
shouldn’t exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. If you’re comfortable with speaking your mind, then he’ll be comfortable with speaking his mind, too.
Just remember to express yourself
in way that doesn’t attack anyone
else’s opinion or lifestyle in any
way––you can be humble and
outspoken at the same time by
using assertiveness strategies and
remaining considerate of his
Don’t create a fake you just to impress him. It might be tempting if you think he’d prefer a different type of girl but usually this is just cobbling together snippets of
things said or suggested and you’re likely to be wrong. After all, he wants to date you, not some imagined form of perfection. And if you really feel tempted to change things about yourself because he insists that you’d
be better thinner, taller, prettier,
quieter, whatever, then it’s a good
indication that you’re not compatible. If he actually says such things to you in a badgering, persistent manner, then it is not love, but an attempt to control you. Don’t pretend that you share his interests if you don’t. It might be amusing or “safe” to do so initially but it’s extremely hurtful when he learns that you don’t really love what he loves; he could be basing his thoughts about your role in his future on something that isn’t real and it’ll end up hurting both of you. Just be real and let him appreciate you like that.
Watch out for part 2. Drop your comments below.
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